I'm going to critique a piece of this chain letter, because I have nothing better to do.


Third Example:



Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked. Listen to this.

A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail. (Lol really? AOL?)

He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just

normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now

Jordan Johnsen ( What happened to Jordan Johnson? I thought this story was about him?) was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt

pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list (More on this later) and sent it

along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he

had won the lottery! (HOSHI- REALLY!? Wait. Don't you like, have to enter the lottery to win it?)
then his dad came home and bought him a new bike!(So from this line, we can safely assume that he lives in some kind of Bike store. Since his Dad came home AND THEN bought him a bike.) His mom bought him

Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, (That doesn't sound so great. Remember the last time Grandma tried to by YOU anything technologically advanced? Poor kid probably got an old Macintosh. Or Windows 95.)

and his best friend
gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp

Bizkit!(No comment) Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt!(Wait, he INHERITED a new TV? Doesn't inheritance usually stem from one's death? That means, his Aunt died, then sent him a TV in her will, which, obvious neither of his parents have told him about. That doesn't sound so great. He got a TV but at the cost of his Aunt's life. Obviously, this chain letter's magic is based on some kind of Hammurabi Law. It only has so much magic before it has to start claiming lives to provide for the winner. That's rough. But Jordan Johnson don't care two shits about his Aunt. He's going to see Limp Bizkit...)

He was goin' wild!

the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out

ever since. How nice.







Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather
be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra (Poor unfortunate Barbara. Her parents died on the same day. We now know, that it was most likely the chain letter's way of finding out whom it may kill in order to gather enough power to create ridiculous situations in which it may distribute worldly delights.) but thats only

me. We all want what we cant (I know right? Like N64s, and Playstations. And Tickets to Kid Rock.) have but now's ur chance to go out withthat

special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-



1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!! (Holy cow. 5 EXCLAMATION POINTS!? HE'S NOT FUCKING AROUND FOLKS!)



10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!



15 people- your crush will say they like you



20 people- your crush will ask you out! (Okay. This is where that previous comment comes in. The above statement said that, he just pulled a few friends from his buddy list. I hardly consider 20 people, a few. 20 people can do a lot. Most slave revolts were about 20 strong. 20 people can flip a bus. Or stage a protest, or even a riot. 20 people is a sizable armed force to have to deal with. I'd say 20 people is at the very least, a Bunch of people.

Secondly, sending a letter to your "friends" which carries the potential to ass rape their entire life, doesn't sound like a very friendly thing to do. In fact, it's kind of a dick move. Suppose they honestly don't have 15 friends? Some chain letters carry a time limit. What if the power goes out? What if you checked your mail before you went off to work, and you saw this and thought "HOSHIT I better fuck over all my friends with this!" and you spend so long doing this, that you're late for work and get fired, and you're just so upset that you don't even pay attention when you're crossing the street and get hit by a street cleaner? I don't care WTF happens after that. You're life is screwed.



25 people- your crush will kiss you!!



30 people - Your crush will have sex with you ( Actually, this brings up another thought. What if 2 people, who have the same crush, both send it to 30 people? Would this girl have sex with both of them? Would it happen at the same time? What if she just happens to be a popular girl? And everyone does this? This girl would become the sex puppet of a magical letter with nothing but mal-intent for the world. What a whore



35 people or more- All of the above!!
All of the above? So... you lose all of your luck in love life, but... You totally get laid. Which is also known as... Getting lucky.


So, with all that being said. I equate this chain letter to getting poked in the face with a penis. It's bad, no matter how you look at it.